Alright, you can probably guess what this one is already, we are building the vampires from Twilight in a tongue and cheek sort of way.
I’m taking the vampire from D&D 5e Roll 20 which can be found here.
The first thing we have to do is change it’s weakness. It’s supposed to take damage in the sunlight, but that’s clearly not the case. They just instead, sparkled. Shudder. And to do that, you give them a new trait called ‘Sparkliness’. In this, they now have disadvantage on stealth in the sunlight. Not only that, they also cannot surprise someone when out in sunlight. Oh, vampire wants to sneak up on you during the day, yeah, there’s a beacon from miles away. They can still “hide” in that they can still get partial to full cover from hiding, but you’ll never, as a player, wonder where the vampire is.
Next, to keep the vampires in proper alignment with the writing level of the book, you have to remove 10 from the intelligence stat. Those aren’t well written books, and while I haven’t actually read a whole one of them, I have seen experts, and I did watch the first movie, so I can say, these vampires are a little bit dumb. Probably drop 5 from wisdom as well, and you got the average Twilight vampire. We’ll leave the charisma alone, because apparently teenage girls still like them.
Finally, build wise, to get the full flavor, we have to look at their charm ability. Like I said above, they have a high charisma, so that means that they should be smooth and charming, but charm isn’t really accurate. It would make more sense to reflavor this ability as brooding. The rest of the ability can stay the same, but whenever you refer to the effect, it shall be known as brooding.
So how do you work this monster into your game?
I would do the satirical version of Curse of Strahd. Make the world as light and happy as possible. The vampire brings the adventurers to this realm so that they can help him find his long lost love. By long lost love, I mean the manic pixie dream girl whom he happened to see in the flower shop next to his massive gothic manor once, a week ago, and has determined that he is madly in love with her. He has a lot of quests for them to go on, once they have found the girl. They have to try and find out what she likes, they have to figure out what type of flowers to get her, they have to find a book of poetry that fits her personality just right because he’s just too brooding and quiet to do any of that on his own. Eventually, things will come to a head and the girl will tell him that she just needs the freedom to be her and that nothing can truly pin her down. Then, the already brooding vampire becomes more brooding, and it affects the weather so that it always raining. Actually, this could just be the history of Strahd that you play before the Curse of Strahd.
Tune in next time for more bad ideas in the Monster Factory. If you have any funny/dumb characters to build that can be used as monsters in your games, feel free to go ahead and send me ideas on Twitter, you can find my information below.
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