Board Game Movies We Don’t Want
With the talks of a Mice and Mystics board game in the news the past few days I decided to look at what board games should get movies based off of them, and now I’m going to go with ones that really shouldn’t have a movie.
If you want to read the ones I think could make good movies, you can find the article here.
So ground rule with this article, the game must have some human component or artwork. It can’t be something like Skip-Bo. That wouldn’t make any sense to do a movie about, though I’m sure someone would try.
The first is a three-fer: Catan, Splendor, and Dominion. The issue with all of these, while they might be fun games, they are generic. Dominion is as generic medieval as possible, and really is just a them that’s been pasted on. You can make your standard medieval movie, and call it Dominion if you want, but it wouldn’t be thematic to the game. The same is true with Catan and Splendor. At least with Splendor you’d make it about jewels, but it wouldn’t be thematically tied to the game. The issue with all of these games and movies is that they are generic and could really be about anything, so you’d be able to call a movie Catan, Dominion, or Splendor, but you wouldn’t have to do anything that would tie it to the game to make the movie.
Next would be Cosmic Encounter, and this one I kind of wanted to work, but I don’t it would make a good movie. First off, there are too many alien races in Cosmic Encounter, to really capture the feel you’d have to make it a menagerie of races, and the movie would feel bloated. Plus a game that is about the social interactions and a goofiness to the game, but you’re also controlling planets and taking over planets, that would be a disconnect for a movie.
Gloomhaven was a game that I actually had someone suggest would work well as a movie, and I’m up in the air, I think it could be done, but I also think that you’d lose out on part of what Gloomhaven is. One of the big parts of Gloomhaven is retiring your character, unlocking another character, and playing as them. The main story of Gloomhaven could work in a movie, but you’d lose some of the feel from it about the ever changing adventuring group, and the time that it implies is passing as you go out adventuring. Overall, I think it would work better as a TV show than a movie, but I’m not even so sold on wanting that. But giving it True Detective treatment with a new cast of characters every season, but that still keeps it on the list of ones I wouldn’t want a movie of.
Cry Havoc is a game that I got to play last weekend and have written an article/review of the game recently. The basis of the game is that you’re on a planet playing different races trying to collect and control the resources of the planet. There is one glaring issue with this idea for a movie, it’s been done before. Dances with Wolves and Avatar much? Because that’s what it would end up being again just with a couple more races thrown into the mix. We barely needed Avatar as a movie, besides the technological advancements it gave for film, we certainly don’t need it again.
Final one is the obvious one, because not that many people like the game anyways, but Monopoly. It feels like that’s something that a production company might decide to do as board games gather more main stream popularity, but that doesn’t mean Monopoly. What would the plot even be? You’d be going around buying up places and building your empire while trying to ruin others and getting second place in beauty pageants and winnings $10? Later in the game when you’re randomly staying at other peoples properties because you can’t stay at yours for no good reason you’ll be glad when you end up in jail so you don’t have to pay other people money? This would be a terrible movie, and I can see a production company trying to make some sort of funny movie based off of Monopoly, and I can see it being so horrible.
What other board games would make horrible movies? What movies might make horrible board games?
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