But in that top 10 for TV shows, Kristen had Doctor Who on the list. And she thought that I might have it on my list, but it wasn’t even in my honorable mentions. And if you look at my top 5’s that I’ve done at the end of every year, you’ve been able to see that falling on that list and then off that list.

What does that mean for me having liked that show? Is it okay to have something fall off for you as a fan? And should you feel bad about not being as much of a fan anymore?

Let’s start with the first question, because that has a lot to unpack. What does that mean for me (or you) as a fan of something for a long time and it falling off our list of fandoms we’re big into? And also let’s toss in if we should feel bad about not being a fan anymore as well to our questions.

I think that there are several different emotions that can come through with this process. Both that I can think of easily are betrayal, but from different directions. First, as a fan, when our interest starts to wain in fandom, we can feel like we are being betrayed by the fandom. We want to keep enjoying it, but it isn’t enjoyable to us anymore for whatever the reason might be, and we feel like the show isn’t, but should be, doing what we want and need it to do to keep our interest. There can be plenty of reasons why it doesn’t keep our interests or meet our needs anymore. It can because of the fan base, it can be because of the show/movie/book/comic/etc. itself where the quality or the storyline has changed to not match our expectations, or it can be because we’ve changed our place in life or our mindset in life, and now the fandom doesn’t meet our needs anymore. The feeling that it betrayed us can also lead to resentment for what it did previously. Sometimes this is valid, but most of the time, we need to remember that the betrayal we’re feeling about where it’s ended up doesn’t undo what we used to love about it, and doesn’t invalidate our good times with the fandom before.

But, you can also feel like you are betraying the fandom. That’s why I combined two of the questions here, because as a fan, we often have to deal with our own emotions of feeling like we need to force ourselves to like something still, or if we don’t like something anymore, we are betraying it. As fans though, it isn’t our requirement to like something and it isn’t reasonable to think that we won’t have changing tastes throughout our lives. Also, if the thing we’re a fan of is good, even if it’s not for us anymore, it’s going to be growing, and fans will be being added, maybe not as fast as we’d hope, but us leaving the fandom isn’t going to cause the fandom to crumble. And the fandom, as a whole, isn’t going to be insulted that we don’t like something anymore. And even our friends in the fandom, if they are true friends, aren’t going to be resentful if we don’t love it like we used to. Now, I will add in the caveat that we need to be respectful when we leave, this comes back to remembering our good times with something and not letting our current feelings invalidate what has been before.

Let’s tackle that last question quickly as well, is it fine to stop being a fan of something?

The answer to that should be pretty obvious, the answer is yes. People change as they grow in life, as they develop new interests, and as what they are of a fan of changes. We shouldn’t feel like we are betraying something or being betrayed by it, because change is a natural progression of life. And while it might feel like you won’t find something the same or that you’re leaving something important behind, you’ll find things to replace it. I used to be much more into movies than I am now, or Doctor Who as the example was to start, but, let’s go with movies. The reason that I’m less into movies now is that with a 7 month old, it’s harder to watch movies and sleep. Movies are simply too often too long, and while I make an exception for Marvel movies pretty often, I’m much more apt to watch TV (and recorded TV shows at that), because two episodes is an hour and a half which is shorter than a lot of movies.

Another reason it’s fine to stop being a fan of something, is that you might come back to it. I might come back to Doctor Who. I might come back to movies, it’s just a season in my life where these things aren’t as meaningful to me. We have to remember as fans of stuff, that just because we stop liking something doesn’t mean that we can’t come back to it. And if someone we know leaves a fandom and then wants to come back later, we need to be welcoming. I think that can be an intimidating piece that keeps fans in a fandom longer than they’d want, because they are worried about getting back into it, if their fandom is peaked again.

It’s a tough topic to write about in some ways. I think with Doctor Who, there was just enough effort keeping up with it that it made falling away from it pretty easy. But thinking about it, the seasons and episodes that I do love, I do want to watch again sometime. So it isn’t like I’ve completely divorced myself from Doctor Who, and I’m sure at some point in time I’ll be back to it as something draws me back in, but when that happens, that will be the time. I can’t spend time feeling bad for any reason, because there are so many other great things to be a fan of.

What is something that you’ve had your fandom wain on? Did you feel bad about it, like it was betraying you or you were betraying it?

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But what do you do when you’re a fandom of one?

It’s pretty inevitable that this will happen at some point (or even several times) for most nerds. As we discover more things we love, and delve deeper into them, and seek out other, new things that spark our interest along the way, our paths will eventually diverge and lead us to other new things, and before we know it, we’ve fallen in love with something no one else is interested in — maybe even something that no one else we know has even heard of.

So what’s a lonesome nerd to do? That nerdy energy has to go somewhere, after all. You can nerd out about something by yourself by writing a blog or some fanfiction or creating fan art (all things I’ve done to cope in the past), but ultimately, that will never be quite as fun as it is to talk over the finer points of the story, discuss theories about what will happen in the next installment, or geek out about the latest plot twist with someone else who loves the new thing you’ve found.

Fortunately, there are a couple of good ways to solve this problem. The first stems from the fact that, while you personally may not know anyone else who loves your new nerdy interest, there are almost definitely other people out there somewhere who already love it, and thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can find whole forums full of them. In bygone days, nerds had to join fan clubs to find others with the same interests, and frequently had to communicate with other members of those clubs primarily by mail, but these days, if it exists and it’s nerdy, there’s most likely an online forum for it, or at the very least, someone on Tumblr who has gif-ed it to perfection. I myself am part of a forum centered around historical/period films and books, and despite the fact that I now know more people IRL who enjoy such things than I did back when I joined the forum, it’s still one of my favorite places to fangirl about Jane Austen and Shakespeare and suchlike.

Another great way to assuage your loneliness is to bring more nerds along with you for the ride. You may be the first among your friends to discover this great new thing, but you certainly don’t have to be the last! If your new thing is similar to other things you know a friend already likes (or even if it’s not, and your friend is game for trying something new), go ahead and recommend it to them so that they can share in the joy (and pain, if your fandoms are anything like mine…)! You’ll want to proceed with a little caution here — as you’re already super excited about this thing and really invested in it, it’ll be hard not to make your recommendation of it a little…overwhelming.

I can attest to this fact — those of you who have been on the receiving end of my evangelical zeal for books like the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon and the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy by Laini Taylor know that this sort of thing can get a little intense. But if you can curb your enthusiasm just enough (but not too much, mind) to make a good pitch, pretty soon you just might have another friend who’s joined the fandom train right along with you. Ah, sweet victory.

These are just a couple of ways to handle being the single member of a fandom — what’s your preferred approach? Have you tried these strategies, or something else altogether? Tell us about it in the comments!

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